Blue Refuge
by totheark52093
Summary: Master Splinter is haunted by his impure thoughts. He strives day in and day out until he is finally fed up with his urges... New Chapters every Sunday, No specific time. ***Warning*** Mature Content, Sexual Content, Contains Violence. Feel free to leave reviews and comments. I do not own TMNT or am affiliated with the franchise.
1. Impure

Impure

Master Splinter looked at the rusted chandelier of which only three of the five bulbs that dully lit his room up the room functioned properly. He had tried to think back to a time to when all five had worked, and unfortunately it had been too long for him to remember. He had lived a long life. A long life true, but not a full one. Splinter dwelled on this thought for quite some time as he could relate to the chandelier in his room, which was not at it's full potential. Missing pieces, broken pieces. Like a puzzle almost complete but he couldn't find the finishing corner. "It had been lost long ago." Splinter whispered to himself. Maybe the last piece never existed to begin with.

Master Splinter opened his wardrobe, and sifted to the back. There, covered in mothballs and aged dust hung an old white ceremonial Kimono Usagi had gifted Splinter for one of many birthdays. It was the only decent and most clean piece of clothing he ever possessed, and which he never once worn. Splinter worried about his sons and to what would become of them without his guidance and love. He felt that they were prepared to handle what came next, or at least he forced himself to think such thoughts. If there was anything he was proud of in his life, it was his sons. He knew they would fulfill their own legacy, their own destiny.

Impure thoughts had led him to this moment. Impure thoughts of Leonardo. Master Splinter was a humble being, however even the most humble have the capacity to play "favorites." Splinter took no lovers in his earlier days, and he was always akin to young Leo. He was smarter, faster, and precise with his decision making even if the others did not agree with some of those decisions. He also knew how to make hard decisions for the group. "These are the true qualities of a leader." Splinter thought. Splinter also knew how to make hard decisions. But the hardest was not to act on his most impure thoughts.

These impure thoughts had haunted him since Leonardo came of age. He knew it was wrong, he felt it was, yet he could not stop himself during his lonely nights. No one knew of his "ailment," and Splinter was to the point of acting upon his urges. Splinter was stronger than his sons. He was their father, but he was also their master. He could take what he wanted if he so pleased. "What am I thinking!?" Splinter exclaimed in a tone higher than his usual voice. He had to ignore and suppress these thoughts, an action of which he was far too used to at this point in his life.

Splinter had all in order, the ceremonial incense, a valued tanto, and his Kimono. He dressed himself in the most meticulous way, making sure the Kimono fit nice and snug, and then took a long deep stare down at the floor. "This will be the last place I stand, and the last I will kneel." he thought as he began to bend his knees, slowly sitting down. He sat in silence, well almost complete silence if it was not for his Shishi-Odoshi in his small makeshift garden in his room. However, the sound was soothing. Water filling up the bamboo, being poured and then resetting. The sound of the bamboo resetting to it's original position was like a life obtaining the chance to start over to perfect its prior mistakes. A chance Master Splinter wish he had. The sound was soothing, comforting to Master Splinter in this moment.

The repetition of this sound also reminded that time will go on after he commits the ceremonial Harakiri or "Seppuku." His sons were out on a supply run. Another unusual day for them, or unusual for their specific lifestyle at least. Splinter thought "A peaceful quest." The thought lingered in his mind for a few moments. "What were Leonardo and Donatello arguing about this time?" "How much of a nuisance was Michelangelo to the group today?" "Maybe Donatello is being too technical on the prices of food?" Donatello always did have a fine assortment of coupons that he saved.

Splinter snapped back into the current moment like an angry whip. He had to clear his mind for the upcoming event. Master Splinter had hid the planning of this ceremony from his sons for too long to not follow through. He was tired of the void that filled him. A void he knew he had to stop himself from filling before it was too late. The thoughts were like a disease ravaging the mind into comitance. He was ready to give in, ready to rest early, ready to face whatever oblivion that awaited him. The only feature missing from this ceremony was the kaishakunin. No one was there to deliver the final blow to Master Splinter after the first step of Seppuku. Splinter cleared his mind and remembered reading of "jūmonji giri" or the "crossed-shaped-cut" version of Seppuku. Splinter knew this would be a far more taxing process without the Kaishakunin, especially after the first cut.

Splinter's mind was finally clear and all that he could focus on was the Tanto knife in front of him. Master Splinter gave his chandelier one last look as if it had said something, then in a swift movement he gently gripped his ivory decorated Tanto in a vertical position and began to unsheathe the sharp metal from the white cloth surrounding it. It was a peaceful and welcoming sound.


	2. Atonement

_**Author's note:**_ _Hey viewers, I know the last chapter was fairly short. It was just an introductory chapter, and I have more content planned for upcoming chapters. Anyways, Thank you for stopping by and have a wonderful day, and feel free to leave a comment or review. I revised the last chapter and decided to double space the lines. It was way too bunched up. If there is something I am able to do to better help the reader understand or flow throughout the material easier, all you have to do is ask. Thank you, Much appreciated. Yours truly, Totheark52093._

 _ **Atonement**_

Leonardo felt a sharp sting in his chest, like bad heartburn after eating Mikeys infamous "Spicy Spaghetti" as he liked to call it. It was an odd time to have such a pain as he was feeling fine through the entire day. Leonardo and his brothers had just left April's house for the last of their supplies. Master Splinter had urged them before they left that night to pick up the tea that April had ordered for him. All four brothers had finally made it to the closest manhole that led to their lair. Mikey was the first to jump down, then Donny. "Hey get off me you nerd!" Mikey exclaimed. "Sorry Mikey, I must have jumped the gun on that one, I thought you moved already." Raph soon followed giving Leo an unnecessary smirk as he descended down. "You two are so uncoordinated." Raph said mid fall before landing heavily but swiftly. Leo followed suit and the lid to the manhole shut before his feet even hit the ground.

"Guys." Leo said almost a decibel above his normal tone. Don was tinkering on his tablet and talking to himself at the same time. Mikey and Raph kept roughhousing with each other. "Coordinate this!" Mikey said as he threw the most miserable backhand Raphael had ever seen which was caught in mid air. "Awe Raph why you gotta show off." to which a "Phssh" was Raphs reply. "Guys!" Leonardo said with a little more show of force this time, but to no avail. Donny remained in his tablet trance while Mikey and Raphael were still reliving their childhood. "Dammit Guys!" Leo screamed as he stopped dead in his tracks. Don perked up with a blank expression that looked slightly concerned while Raph let go of Mikey who he had in a headlock. "Jeez Leo, what is it? One of Raph's farts linger too long?" Mikey replied trying to change the mood of the moment into a humorous one. "Hey!" Raph said punching Mikey in the shoulder. Don ignored the two infants in the tunnel and finally spoke up. "What is it Leo? What's wrong?" Don could sense a certain kind of stress emanating from Leo. Everything from his facial expression to his stance said it all.

"Guy's I have had this strange feeling ever since we finished up at April's. I can't explain it but I feel like we need to get home as quick as possible." Leo wanted to explain more, like the fact that every moment of their morning felt completely odd. The fact that Master Splinter was up before any of them and the fact that he cooked them a full breakfast with the last of their supplies. Usually Master Splinter saves extra just in case something goes wrong on resupply days. The tone of his voice was different that morning. " _Damn why hadn't I thought about that this morning?"_ Leo thought to himself as he burst into a full on sprint. It may be nothing, but something was definitely telling Leo he had to get home as soon as possible. Leo wanted to explain it more to the others, but he felt there was no time.

The others, still standing in their same spots were surprised by Leo's sudden outburst and the sudden inspiration he got to become a tracks star. "Holy shit! I've never seen him move that fast before!" Mikey burst out. "Language!" Don and Raph said in unison as they both took off after Leo. Mikey soon followed. He hated being left behind in the sewers, always gave him the creeps.

Leonardo was moving at light speed, just a minute left until te had reached the lair. This feeling grew stronger as he closed in on the lair with each step. It wasn't the feeling of anger or even a hostile presence, but a strong feeling of fear. Perhaps the strongest spirit of fear he had experienced in his lifetime, he just couldn't for the love of Pete wonder why he was haunted by this feeling so suddenly. Raph broke Leo's concentration as he soon caught up with Leo's trail. Raph may have been the biggest out of his family, but that didn't mean he wasn't quick to his feet as well. "Leo, what the hell is going on!?" "Raph, I can't explain it, we just need to get home!" Leo replied. The look in Leo's face expressed sheer terror.

Raph and Leo were the first to make it into the lair, Don was third and Mikey was dead last. The only running Mikey liked to do was to the counter for fresh pizza. All four looked around, it seemed quiet, peaceful almost. "What's- the….big DEAL?!" Mikey huffed holding his thighs and gasping for air. No one responded. "We need to find Master Splinter." Leo said fast and expressionless. He darted down the hall and made a sharp left and was finally in front of Master Splinter's room door.

The four brothers were always instructed to leave Splinter if his door was closed. Mainly due to his long periods of meditation. A disruption in meditation was a disrespect that their father did not take so lightly. Mikey had once learned the hard way. "Don't open it, you know what happened last time." Mikey said as Leonardo was reaching for the handle. "It's different this time, there is something wrong. I can feel it." Leo said. "Pshhh, you and your " _Leadership Intuition"_ always gets us in a bad situation." Raph said mockingly.

Leonardo ignored his rude comment and turned the knob and opened the door. There lie his Master in his ceremonial dress. There were only two colors that Leo could see once he opened that door, two colors only that his mind would allow him to focus on. White and red. Leo saw nothing but a slumped Splinter in white, and red surrounding him.

Raph was behind him, he couldn't bring himself to speak, he was just frozen. Everyone immediately drew their weapons "Mikey! Don! Medical supplies. NOW!" Leo exclaimed as loud and as clear as he could. "Raphael, make sure the lair is secure, and once that is done, check Don's security cameras just in case." Raphael knew this was no time to argue with his brother, and for once he listened and did as he was told without question. Leo then rushed to Master Splinter.

Master splinter had slipped into a dark abyss some time ago. He knew his mind was alive as his body was slowly dying on the outside. He was almost at peace, until he heard Leo's voice. He could hear him, feel him, smell him, but he could not respond. He tried to call back, but his body would not allow him. His mind had the will, but his body did not. How he wished he could tell Leo and the others the love he held for them before he passed on. But it was too late.

He could sense little life left. How long had it been since he was injured? "Father, Father! Who did this?!" Leo said propping his father up in his arms. Tears began to flow. Don and Mikey rushed in with all the medical supplies they could muster. "Leo, MOVE." Don said with a demanding voice. Usually Don never barked orders, or raised his voice, but given the circumstances, he knew he had to to save their father. This type of situation was Don's area of expertise, and Leo knew it, so, he moved.

Don started to inspect the wound and was deciding what to do next. "Listen, I have everything I need, go and double check that we are secure, Raph guard the door to father's room, Leo, inspect the premises one last time, and Mikey?" Don paused as he gripped the Tanto in his father's stomach. "Y-yes?" Mikey said nervously watching. Don pulled the knife out as fast as he could. "Go get me some water. I am going to be in here for a while, after that help Leo and Raph." "Got it!" Mikey said with an uneasy face as he darted off.

Raph was already posted by the door. Leo couldn't help but stare. He was dumbfounded by this situation. He had no idea how Don was keeping his composure the entire time. Don noticed Leo's unnecessary staring and finally told him to get out. Leo was halfway to the door when he looked behind him and said "Is he going to make it?" "Just go!" Don replied without even glancing up at Leo.

Leo knew that Don would do his best. He knew he had to get out of that room to leave Donny to his work, he just didn't want to leave his father's side. It was an understandable thought. Leo did as he was told. That was it. He walked out of the room, shut the door, and knew that his world had been turned upside down. A slow ringing filled his ears as he sit at the dinner table. Nothing but the images of his father slumped on the floor, white cloth riddled with ruby red blood filled his mind.

Raph kept his head on a swivel trying to determine how, who and why their father was attacked. Leo was just sitting there. " _Pathetic."_ Raph thought. Leo is the leader, he should be able to compose himself in a time like this. Raph tried to reason with himself back and forth in his head to suppress his real feelings about the situation, but he would never let his emotions get the best of him. At least not this time.

Mikey finally stumbled his way to the door. "Raph get the door, I gotta give this to Don." Raph obliged. Mikey stepped in, and the door slowly shut. Leo looked up and over to the door. It was the only movement Raph had seen Leo do since he sat. It was such a hopeless feeling, all they could do is hope that Don was doing his best and that their father was strong enough to pull through and survive.

 _ **Authors Note:**_ Okay, I know I said that I would be posting every Sunday but I honestly couldn't wait to post the second chapter. I hope all of you enjoyed it. Chapter three is still scheduled for Sunday.


	3. Dejection

**Authors Note:** _Hello again. I know I was a day late with this chapter. I came down with a cold or the flu or something this weekend. It sucked. Anyways, here is the third chapter. I hope that you all enjoy, and beware in the next few chapters it might get a bit frisky. So be warned, Consider that your warning because I will not send another for whatever chapter it happens in. Just now it will be in the next few. As always, leave a review or comment, or a private message if you have any questions. Also if you are part of the OCD clan, let me know of any grammar mistakes via PM. Thank you! Have a wonderful Monday._

 _ **Dejection**_

Donatello gently closed his master's door as he exited without looking back. There was an uneasy silence. It had been three hours. Leonardo was becoming impatient after the first five minutes so he was the first to speak. "How is he Don? Is he going to make it? How bad?" Don walked into the kitchen where Leo had sat and began to wash his hands as he replied "Master Splinter is stable. Luckily there isn't much damage to his internals. He only made it halfway." Mikey interjected as he always did no matter the situation "Halfway? What does that mean?" Don looked at Mikey then scanned back at Leo then behind him at Raph. "I believe Master Splinter performed Seppuku, more specifically " _jūmonji giri"_ since no one could be there to deliver the final blow."

All three winced besides Don as they heard the news. They reflected on the teachings of Seppuku by Master Splinter when they were younger. "Leo broke through his memories "Why would master splinter attempt suicide? Are you sure it wasn't set up to look that way? What dishonor did he bring to anyone?." Don had already asked himself this question and had saw it coming. He remained technical, suppressing his emotions. "Who knows Leo? But from what the evidence tells me, he acted upon seppuku. There was no forced entry, and absolutely no signs of a struggle, and there are no other marks on Master Splinter. I checked.." Mikey snapped "Well maybe the one who did it cleaned up after himself. Maybe he snuck up on Master Splinter." With almost a laugh Raph said "Snuck up? On Master Splinter? Get a grip Mikey." Mikey frowned as Don agreed "Precisely. It is possible, but very unlikely. I believe this to be all of Fathers actions. No one else." Leo finally got up to get a glass of water. He couldn't believe the words coming out of Don's mouth. "Well, I suppose we'll find out when he wakes up." Leo said. "If he wakes up!" Raph yelled as his eyes teared up. Don broke his composure "Raph!? Seriously! Don't talk like that. I'm sure there is an explanation for all of this. I know he will pull through, but as of right now he is on some pretty heavy sedatives. It pains me to say this but we need to put him on a suicide watch when he becomes conscious."

"Suicide watch?" Mikey said baffled as if just hearing the phrase for the first time in his life (which it was). "Don looked at Mikey and nodded in conformation. The silence then grew again. "So while he is not awake, does anyone have any idea why Master Splinter would have carried out an act like this. I mean you have to admit...suicidal? It's not like him at all." Leo said as he put his glass in the sink. "No idea" Raph said looking down at his feet, "Yeah I'm beat, I can't think of any reason. His mindset has always been on the rails. Never off track." Mikey said in his most serious tone. "Okay, well we do know this. Seppuku is an act carried out due to an extreme dishonor, a defeat…" Raph interjected Don's speculation "Defeat? We have been defeated before. There is no way that is a reason for this." Leo chimed in, "I'm sure Don knows that already numb nuts, he is just trying to narrow down why he did it, we have to look at all possibilities." Leo looked back at Don, his look told leo of his thanks for defending him. Raph rolled his eyes.

Don continued "Like I said, seppuku is carried out as an act of defeat or a great dishonor to one's family. Other than that, I can not see any other explanation. So if it's not a defeat, does he think he has dishonored us?" Leo took a moment to think back to anything, anything that could shed a light. He tried to remember all his interactions with Splinter, and every hard time they as a family had been through. "Not possible." Leo said sternly. "Who could he have disappointed or dishonored in such a way that he was to take his own life?" Leo followed up. Don, thinking as technical as possible, cogs working to come up with any logical conclusion replied "Maybe he has disappointed one of us, or some of us, and we just don't know it yet. Look, we can speculate all we want, but we will not know definitively until Father wakes. In the meantime I am going to wash up. You guys keep a watch on him. I will be checking his wounds once I am finished."

Leo saw that Don was beginning to lose control over himself. It was all finally starting to hit Don at once. Leo could relate, and the others as well in their own way. Raph was never one to be seen acting soft, and Mikey tried to be the same way but could never hold back. And Don? Don just tried to keep his composure in every situation. He said emotions can become an endgame in dangerous situations. This however was a situation none of them had experienced. How can you protect someone from themselves? Especially someone as strong willed as Master Splinter.

Twenty minutes had passed since the brothers conversation. Don was still cleaning up. Raph was still on watch, and Mikey was hiding somewhere. " _Poor Mikey"_ Leo thought. Mikey would always hide away whenever he had the slightest hint of sadness. For someone as cheery as they are, Mikey was very emotional. Leo wanted to hide away as well, but he knew he couldn't. He had to be there for his father. "Mind if I stand watch until Don is finished up?" Leo asked Raph. He replied with a shrug "Whatever, just don't fall asleep." Leo gave him a sour look as Raph walked off.

Leonardo began to get lost in his thoughts standing watch when he heard slight movements from behind his Masters chambers. The kind of sounds when someone is trying to get comfortable in bed but can't seem to find the right position. " _Shit, he must be awake"_ Leo thought to himself. He then decided to peek his head in to check on Father. Leo gently pushed against the door only open enough to see his father, he was going to leave it at that when he saw his father was okay, however he decided to further investigate just in case. He wanted to be sure he was okay.

Leo entered the room as silent as Master Splinter taught him in training and quietly creeped up upon his Master. Hopefully he was still unconscious. He couldn't bare ask him how this all happened all on his own. He was finally as close as he could get to Master Splinter to lift up his covers to check on his wound. Master Splinter was asleep as far as Leonardo could tell. His Master lay there naked under the covers. Donatello must have undressed him to make it easier to patch the was a small pink blotch through his Masters dressings over his wounds. " _Donny should probably hurry up and redress Master Splinter."_ Leo thought as he examined his Master further.

This was the first time Leonardo could really see the strong features of his father. He was more toned than he could imagine, older yes, but well off in shape. His arms were stiff, yet relaxed, and his legs had a thickness too them, but seemed limber even in his age. Leo went to gently touch his Father's face and nose to make sure his breathing was natural. Master Splinter winced and Leo pulled back. Guess that answered Leo's question. So there he was, looking at his naked father.

Leo wanted to tell his father how much he loved him, he wanted to tell him how much he meant to him and all his brothers. He started to break down into tears. Leonardo decided to lay in the bed with his Master and hold him in his arms. He did as such.

Master Splinter woke to something caressing his body. The sent in the air told him that it was Leonardo. His heart started to race. " _No, this cannot be, not now. Not in this state."_ He was not ready for confrontation from any of his sons, let alone Leonardo, but the embrace was too warm, and he felt so much love behind it. He tried to turn over but felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. He pushed through it and made it over facing Leonardo.

The first thing he heard was "Father. Why?" and to that Master Splinter replied by embracing Leonardo back, and pulling his face in for a long kiss. Leonardo had never looked so confused, yet pleased at the same time...


End file.
